Why You're Falling For the Wrong Guy

Here are some reasons on why you might be falling for the wrong guy.

1. Your greatest fear is being alone.
When you fear being alone it's because you truly haven't developed a strong sense of self. This can lead you to choose romances from a place of desperation instead of a place of strength.

2. You haven't clarified what your deal breakers are.
Think about what you really don't want in a partner. Think of your values and what traits you want your partner to have. Clarifying these things will definitely help you when trying to find Mr. Right.

3. You think you can change him.
If you go in to a relationship thinking you can fix him, you've already failed. If you're trying to change something about him the reality might be that he showed signs of having one of your deal breakers. He won't change, and it will only lead to heartbreak and disappointment.

4. You haven't figured out what you want in life.
This is probably the most important thing when it comes to trying to break old dating patterns. we will continue to make the same mistake until we learn a lesson from it. If you have daddy issues you might always fall for a guy who treats you like a little girl. Not too sure of what your purpose in life is? You probably date workaholics. Address your own issues and you'll attract guys with less baggage.

5. You choose guys with similar qualities.
We gravitate towards what we're familiar with. Try dating outside your type.

6. You may be afraid of commitment.
Without realizing it, you could be afraid of the thing you want most, commitment. Have you ever wondered why you always end up with partners who are afraid of being in a committed relationship? It's because you have issues of your own.

7. You don't think you deserve better.
The people you date are a direct reflection of the value you place on yourself. It all comes down to us and what we feel we deserve.

New Year's Resolutions For When You're Single and Not Ready to Mingle.

1. Open yourself up to new possibilities.
When I say this I don't necessarily mean go out there and meet new people. What I mean is the complete opposite. Don't try and date, just go out and be more social. When going out don't have the intentions of meeting someone or flirting, just socialize. You can never have too many friends.

2. Treat yourself.
Take yourself out on dates. If you fear going out alone or having a meal alone, get over it. You'd probably be a better date than half of the dates you've ever gone on. Plus, you can order as much food as you want and drink the whole bottle of wine without having to share.

3. Don't talk to those creeps on dating apps.
It can seem entertaining to message those creeps because it gives you a good laugh, but in reality it's waisting your time. I'm not saying delete your app, just don't waste your time on someone that you know isn't worth pursuing.

4. Get yourself a hobby.
Hobbies can keep you busy and can distract you from almost anything. Take up something that interests you like painting, photography or learning a new language.

5. Buy your own flowers.
Being single makes me miss the little things, the small gestures that your significant other knew you appreciated and made you happy. Since I miss those things and have no one I resolve to do them on my own. I'll buy my own flowers or buy my own bottle of wine. In essence, I'll supply my own happiness.

6. Move past your ex.
No matter if it's been a week, a month, even a year, there's no time like the present to realize that you're life is much better without them. Don't forget that y'all broke up for a reason, and remind yourself of that reason overtime you start to slip into thinking your ex was the best. You're the best, not them, and sooner or later they'll be kicking themselves in the ass wondering why they ever let you go.

7. Promise to cross something off your bucket list.
If you realized you haven't done much off your bucket list, I suggest you get to it. Being single gives you a lot of time and you should definitely use it to your advantage.

8. Make 2017 about you.
Don't make the new year about meeting someone new. If it happens, it happens. But if it doesn't, well, it doesn't. I hate to be cliche, but the rest will fall into place, all in due time.

Are you alone or lonely?

ALONE OR LONELY?

Being alone and being lonely are two completely different things. Being alone means you have no one to wake up to in the mornings, no one to call when you wanna share some news, or to kiss goodnight. Being lonely means living in a world where we can't escape ourselves and only want something that isn't our own company.

Just because we don't have someone doesn't mean we should be lonely.

Being alone gives us the freedom to explore the world on our own terms. We don't follow anyone and   don't have to worry about anyone trying to keep up.
The great thing about being alone is that we get to discover things about ourselves that we thought never existed. We get to see what makes us happy and enjoy the natural bliss of being alive and well.
By being alone we can do anything we want. ANYTHING.

Just because we don't have someone doesn't mean we should be lonely.

From experience I know how hard it can be to be alone. Not having that special someone. Sometimes we just yearn for love, and that's ok.
No matter how hard you might think it is to be alone, you'll get through it. We can stop kissing frogs and wait for the one.
Waiting has never been my strong suit and I wonder if it'll ever be my turn. I always wonder if time will ever give up and send the one I've been waiting for all my life into my arms.

We don't have to be lonely just because we're alone. 

Being alone can bring peace to your mind and body, until it becomes a punishment. We feel like we're the one to blame for being alone. Like we're running out of choices or there's no where else to go, nothing to do. And because we think like that, is the reason we're still alone.

We have a choice. We don't have to be lonely. 

I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT

The holidays are amongst us once again, and let's face it some of us are still single. The worst part about being single are the cringe-worthy comments and questions everyone throws at you. Here are some of the worst and most cliche I've ever heard:

1. The ever so popular, "Honestly, you're great alone."



2. We can't forget, "Just give it time, you'll find someone!"



3. "Oh wait! I totally know someone I can set you up with."



4. Have you tried Match.com, Tinder, ChristianMingle.com?"



5. "You should totally come with us on our date." Like really, who likes being the third wheel.



6. "Why do you think you're single?"



No matter which one of these is used on you, remember, being single is awesome. DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE.

THE HOLIDAYS ARE NEAR!

It's that time of year again. THE HOLIDAYS. And if you think this year will be any different, well you're wrong. Get ready for the oh-my-gosh-why-can't-my-family-be-normal-for-once thoughts. If you're still single, you bet your ass your family is gonna either mock you about it or ask you why you don't have a significant other. Or to make matters worse, they'll ask you about school or your current job situation. And you know one of your uncle's is bound to end up drunk off his ass and your whole family will wonder why they keep inviting him.
Being single during the holiday's can be good and bad. I mean who wants to spend the holiday's alone? Having a significant other can make the holiday's a lot more eventful and can make you forget about the nonsense your relatives bring every year. But being single on the holiday's does have it's perks. I'll name a few.

1. You don't have to try and buy the perfect gift for someone else, saving you time and money, possibly a headache.

2. All that money you would've spent on gifts for your significant other, is all yours.
TREAT. YO'. SELF.

3. You don't have to fake-like that shitty gift your significant other gave you. 

4. You don't have to worry about being embarrassed by your creepy relatives. 

5. Lonely people on the holiday's = best hookups, if that's how you roll. You do you boo boo. 

6. You can eat all you want, with no judgment on how much weight you'll be putting on! Who doesn't love food? The best part is you won't have to share any left overs.

7. No awkward questions about marriage or babies.

8. Best of all, you get the whole bed to yourself and no interruptions when it comes to your holiday hibernation. 

SEE YA NEVER :(

This past week, on campus, I saw the most handsome guy ever. After making some intense eye contact for about four seconds, while we walked past each other, I realized I would probably never see him again, for the rest of my life. I mean I hope I do, but what if it happens again, and it's just another long stare between us, no actual contact. 

I was with someone and so was he. I wonder if we were both alone if either one of us would even try to approach the other. It sucks not knowing what could've happened but I guess that's what I get for being too scared to even initiate a friendly conversation, I mean it's not like I was gonna ask him to marry me or father my children. LOL. 

When it comes to situations like this, I feel like we should just go for it. Why not? What's the worse that could happen? I mean they could ignore you, but honestly, most people love the attention and will appreciate your willingness to talk to them. I know I would. 

Sometimes I wish people would just come up to me and talk to me. Nowadays it's all about hiding behind a screen and waiting for a dreadful reply. I mean think about it, if you go up to someone in person, you can tell right away if they're into you or not by their body language and what they have to say. Now if you add them on Facebook or follow them on Twitter, it might be centuries before either of you talk to each other. And if it ever does happen you can't really tell how a person feels through text, it's not as personal. There's also that chance of you being left on read or delivered, both equally horrible. 

So take it from me, just go up to him/her before you never see them again. Nothing bad can come from it, just go for it, give them a little wink and see where it goes from there. 

PSYCHO EXES

We've all heard stories about a crazy ex. May it have been a friend, family or some hyped up, crazy post on social media. Well, I've experienced it myself. It wasn't an ex of mine, it was a friend's ex.

Okay, so let me give you some back story. When I was, I wanna say, a freshman in high school, I started talking to a guy I met through Instagram. He was so attractive and I couldn't believe he was single. We talked almost every day and really enjoyed it too.

I can't say I remember why we stopped talking back then, but I believe it was somewhere along the lines of either me being too young and dumb to know what I want or he was getting back together with his on and off again girlfriend. Point being, we stopped talking. Maybe every once a year he would check up on me just to see how I was doing. Nothing serious, just a quick text.

So here I am, now,  a junior in college. Out of the blue, i get a follow from the same guy from years ago. For the sake of not calling him this guy every time I reference to him, we'll call him "John". So, John followed me on twitter after a few years of absolutely having no contact with each other. I was curious to see how he was doing so I followed him back.

About a week later I get a message request from someone I didn't know on Instagram. Let's just say her name was "Lucy." The message basically was Lucy asking me if a guy named "John" had tried contacting me because he was going around messaging "so many" girls. She also said, "I'm in a tough position can you just be honest.. and if he has don't say anything to him please."
So I responded, "LOL, no you're good honey."She then kept saying that she was just worried and didn't know what to believe. I then went on reassuring her that everything was probably fine, she was just imagining things. Her face looked awfully familiar, it took me a while to remember. But guess who it was??? JOHN'S GIRLFRIEND.  Still, even though I found it completely crazy for her to do something like that, I went on with my day.

About a month later, I get another message from Lucy.
"Hey girl I need your help," she said.
I responded with, "Sup."
So she then asks me if he tried contacting me. I told her the truth and said no. You'd think that'd be enough to get this chick off my back and into her man's arms, BUT NO. She then goes on to ask if she can trust me to do something for her. I know I should've said no or stopped replying, but if you know me, you know I love to see shit hit the fan. I told her it just depends on what she had in mind. She wanted me to message him and tell him to text me!!! I then asked her how many other girls she had asked to do this before me and she said none, just me. So I asked her why me? and she had the audacity to bring faith into this. She said, "I am honestly a girl of faith and I swear your name came to mind. So I went with you." I was like okay Miss Cleo, whatever you say.

So I messaged John and told her. I also added that I didn't think he would reply to me. So about an hour after messaging him....HE REPLIES. So he's basically just asking how I am, and what's changed since the last time we talked. He then says he lost my number and tells me he still has the same number, but, of course, I don't have it and I tell him. And without me giving him my number, he texts me. HE DID HAVE MY NUMBER, he was just trying to play it cool.
I felt very weird about this whole situation and asked myself what the right thing to do would be. Should I help this Lucy out even though I don't know her? or should I tell John, someone I've known for years, what his girlfriend is up to?

I decided that calling John and explaining the whole situation would be best. And that's exactly what I did. When he finished listening to everything I had to say, he just stayed silent. I asked John what was wrong and he just says, "JUDY. LUCY AND I HAVE BEEN BROKEN UP FOR MONTHS!!!!"
When I heard John say that all I could think was, "Oh my gosh, what a crazy psycho!!!!" How can someone still be caught up on what their ex is doing or who they're talking to now?? John then told me that this wasn't the first time she's tried having girls contact him as a favor to her. He said it was only getting worse and that he's trying to completely get her out of his life. I never replied to Lucy again.

Moral of the story is... Y'all be careful, the only thing worse than a crazy girlfriend is a CRAZY EX-GIRLFRIEND. And well girls, don't be the crazy ex-girlfriend, it's not a good look.

THE GOOD AND THE BAD.

Here it is, Kissing Toads.
Mistakes, experiences, emotions and more all jumbled up into one blog.  I know I haven't been through it all when it comes to relationships, but I'd like to take you along on my journey. I hope that with this blog you can either learn from what I have to say or just have a good laugh.
Most of the time people are afraid of talking about relationships, the good and the bad. They don't wanna talk about the bad because they're afraid of being judged or simply embarrassed by what happened. They don't wanna talk about the good because they might jinx the good they have going on, or they don't wanna sound like they're bragging. Talking is therapeutic, and I feel that everything is worth speaking about. The good and the bad.
Now, I'm not saying go around and let everyone know what you're going through. Just let it out every once in a while, may it be to yourself or a close friend. I feel that its best to talk to someone who is going through the same things.
For example, a while ago I went through a dark, self-hating phase. I felt like I wasn't good enough for anyone and that I was just living life through the motions without any purpose. I felt so alone. Of course, my friends noticed and questioned what was wrong. I explained that I felt so alone, unwanted. They, of course, gave me the cliche responses, "Everything will be fine," "Just give it some time, things will get better on their own," "Don't rush love." But that didn't help at all. After a few nights of feeling this way I went out to a small BBQ and met with some friends, I hadn't seen in a while. The night went on, we had a good night. I needed a ride back to my car and a close friend that I hadn't spoken to in a LONG time offered me a ride. On the way to my car she asked, "So are you talking to anyone?" and you will not believe the conversation we had after that. I wanna say we stayed in her car for a good hour just releasing all these pent-up emotions. It felt so good to finally talk to someone who was going through the same things I was. I swear she would say something and all I could say was, "GIRL, SAAAAAAAMEEEEEEEE!" I felt like she genuinely knew what I was going through. I didn't need her to give me crappy advice to try and fix my issues, I just needed to know that I wasn't alone and there's other people going through the same things.
We talked about the bad in our love lives, but it felt so damn good letting it all out.